in the City "
yippee, another season (truncated I might
add because someone was foolish enough to
knock Sarah Jessica Parker up) of Sex and
the City has arrived and for most of us
men that can only mean one thing: wake us
when it's over. We're not even going to stay
awake if our significant other offers us a
blowjob during the show, because yes, we hate
it that much. Why? Because 1) those four cardboard
cutouts, also known as actresses, died, and
dried, on the vine a long time ago. Can you
say: WAY PAST THEIR PRIME?
And it has nothing to do with age here so
don't break out any of that feminazi ageism
crap (although we do prefer younger women),
it has to do with the incessant stereotypical
bitching and moaning on a show about women
created by a gay man. Oh now there's verisimilitude.
Maybe we were intrigued for the first season
and a half, but give us four years of this
superficial mouthwash and you have given us
about enough impetus for us to consider switching
teams to Showtime and shacking up with the
Queer as Folk gang. Yes, we are that
sick of Carrie, Amanda, blah and blah, and
the revolving door of f*cking male twits who
have helped make these four highly dysfunctional
dames more empowered than Cleopatra entertaining
her own private Chippendales pageant.
Yes, we know it's a "chick show"
and we're free to watch anything else on the
dial, including some moronic new show that
you know you can count on FOX for, but we
still have to hear about them, see them everywhere,
and yes, have nightmares that we are going
to have to settle for something just like
them in our lives. Because yes, where it was
once Gloria Stenheim, it's now every HBO able
female in our midst being weaned on one too
many "Sex" episodes. God help us.
Because now we not only have to do the laundry,
worry about "her" orgasm, etc.,
but we have to live up to the legend of some
f*cked up faux knight-in-shining-armor named
"Big." Don't you think we're already
self-conscious enough about our penises, ladies?????
I have a solution for HBO. Next year why not
go back in time, flashback to when the women
were say, 20 years younger, and maybe you'll
pull the young male Dawson's Creek
crowd as well as the over 30 Bitter Women's
Club. Yes, bitter! And that is all this show
does (besides get amusingly crude), it reinforces
the myth that men are such a second class-piss-on-fire-hydrant-species
who don't deserve the adoration of any woman
in her right mind. And you know, hey, if you
ladies would rather sit around with your Chardonnay
and BOBS (Battery Operated Boyfriends) than
join the real world and....GET OVER IT! (and
that includes every harmful relationship that
you deem you suffered through, including your
father's) then best beware of the outrageous
slings and arrows of a life alone and a case
of carpel tunnel syndrome that we won't be
there to help massage away in the morning.
we won't even be there in the evening to passively
aggressively coerce you into the wet spot,
and for that, you could at least thank us,
P.S. Enjoy your Awards, just know that they
will never come to life, no matter how technologically
advanced we become.
more HMC's in the:
Ask Joe a Question or suggest a topic
a Friend About Us
now a message from, not only a member
of the HMC, but also our president,
Hello Kids, have fun getting your
lust on today? We're so happy, we
We'd even tingle more if you spread
the word of gospel about us.
G'head, Why not tell a horny friend
about us? Like they don't already
know you're fucking horny??
Get over it, the secret's out, you
are forever a member and there is
no escape. Now start shouting it from
the roof top.
And don't be scared to drop in and
ask Joe a question from time to time...as
long as it isn't to drop the soap.