with your guide
when those coeds who are seeking sexual
awakening are coming of age, and past
the traumatic teen-queen Oxy 10 years,
they aren't going
to be carrying around that "if you do
me, you'd better love me" caveat..."
Older women despise it. When I say older,
I mean anyone over the age of say, 25ish,
unless of course they're over the age of 25ish
but look younger, and for the purposes of
this schpiel, a lot younger. The younger the
better. Yes, that's right, we're talking about
Stalking the Cradle here, or a bangtathalon
with the Barley Legal's. And that's when we
make the older women feel like retching, or
worse: stone us (without ganga), throw us
to the lions, do a Lorena Bobbitt on us, etc.,
etc., ouch--They just get very pissed, irked,
their boobs in a bonnet, when they see guys
digging on chicks younger than them.
Now there is the argument that the more mature
a woman is, well, the more mature she is.
Yes, she's been there, done that, and knows
how to deal with a man. But unfortunately,
most of the time, that includes despising
the hell out of our team.
You see, where I think guys get over women
much easier, and move on--women, don't seem
to get over guys as quickly (read: ever!),
and the bitterness seems to fester like a
pus-filled canker sore in a dry African heat.
Guys: We're just like pissed for one night,
screaming, "The bitch! the hoe! the wicked
witch of wankers," and then a day or so later
we're over it, forgotten about old "what's-her-name,"
and we're off on our safari, hunting for other
prey; leaving the spurned behind at the punch
bowl to share theories of sticking it to a
voodoo doll made in your own image.
yes, daddy, we love the choo-choo train.
I think we can..."
one of the reason's we dig, crave, want to
cuddle? with younger women: They aren't carrying
as much baggage when they go through the dysfunctional
shit detector. The sweet young felines are
more open to fun, and when I say fun, yes,
you know what I am saying, we are not talking
about long lasting soulmates here, fellahs!--it's
the Horny Men's Club, for chrissakes--we're
talking about a rollercoaster ride of salacious
sexual awakening (the daddy/little girl kink).
And when those coeds who are seeking sexual
awakening are coming of age, and past the
traumatic teen-queen Oxy 10 years, they aren't
going to be carrying around that "if you do
me, you'd better love me" caveat on their
shoulders, because their hormones are still
revving off the back straight away, burning
through rubbers to find out what the sexual
race is really all about from someone other
than their prickly prudish Sex-Ed teachers.
It's you, Mr. Macho! You've been there, you've
done that before; therefore the ones that
really do want to take a lickin' and keep
on tickin'--and wish to experience something
beyond watching a guy their age come in two
minutes--are attracted to you, you big stud
muffin. Dude, just like Enrique Inglesias,
you can be their hero…without the fucking
lisping Latin accent.
And speaking of hormones, that's the other
thing that pisses older women off: We're attracted
to them, younger babes, because they are just
coming into the prime of their childbearing
years, usually between the age of 18-25ish.
That's why we are drawn to them like Robert
Blake to a starfucker, because we've seen
our better days and we're aching for one more
shot at glory, one more primal prick in the
sun, our inner beast going: "Hmmmm, she looks
like she's ready to hatch my screaming love-child
into this world." As opposed to when we look--okay,
lech over an older woman--because the instinct
is just not the same. Yeah, she's still hot
(old, but hot), in fact, she's Susan Sarandon
now, but even so, do we really want to procreate
with her? Or do we want something entirely
different (and kinky): Like a mommy? Which
leads us to what's called an Oedipus Complex,
something we'll make sure to cover next week.
Until then, get your rest, you old coots!
Because you're going to need it if you ever
do happen to score on one of those barely
legal's from your chat room stakeout.
more HMC's in the:
now a message from, not only a member
of the HMC, but also our president,
Hello Kids, have fun getting your lust
on today? We're so happy, we tingle.
We'd even tingle more if you spread
the word of gospel about us.
G'head, Why not tell a horny friend
about us? Like they don't already know
you're fucking horny??
Get over it, the secret's out, you are
forever a member and there is no escape.
Now start shouting it from the roof
And don't be scared to drop in and ask
Joe a question from time to time...as
long as it isn't to drop the soap.
or Comments for Joe?