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Top-10
Recent Name Changes for Arab Americans
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1.
George
2. Sam
3. Dick
4. Al
5. Master P
6. Moe
7. Curly
8. Shecky
9. Beavis
10. Coolio |
1.
Oprah
2. Georgette
3. Laura
4. Oprah Jr.
5. Chyna
6. Taneekwa
7. Christiane
8. White trash hoe
9. Butch
10. Madonna |
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Obnoxious goofball, Tom Green decided to file for divorce
from Drew Barrymore after just five months of connubial
bunk. Green claims that since losing a testicle to cancer
he has developed a testicle fetish, and that instead of
spending time working on his marriage, he would rather
devote his life to working on his version of the famous
Nutcracker Ballet. In Green's ballet, look for fellow
MTVer Johnny Knoxville, of Jackass infamy, to two-step
onstage and actually crack Green's remaining nut in a
vice. Barrymore's only comment released through her publicist
was, "I will always love Tommy, no matter how nutty he
is, or isn't."
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Colin Wood, a 30-year-old financial services worker
from London, has coughed up $430 to spend two weeks
alone in a decommissioned nuclear bunker in Essex, east
of London, to escape the stresses of a family Christmas.
He has even foregone traditional Christmas fare, opting
instead for a frugal diet of processed luncheon meat
known as Spam, baked beans and tap water. When Wood
emerges from his self-imposed hum bug, he can look forward
to a year of divorce proceedings, a total rape and pillage
of his finances, and then a lot more Spam.
In another Scrooge move, President Bush refuses to allow
Vice President Dick Cheney to emerge from his secret
bunker over the Holidays, although Bush was kind
enough to send Cheney a care package complete with a
year's supply of, yup, Spam. Cheney's custom made bunker
comes with its own cardiac care unit should the spry
V.P. miss the amenities of his normal life.
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Another
asshole was foiled while trying to blow himself--and the plane
he was traveling in--up over the weekend, when passengers aboard
the flight from France to Miami subdued the cocksucker while
he tried to light a fuse that was hidden in one of his sneakers.
Apparently the man is not a terrorist after all, but just a
poor, hapless Nike sweat shop worker who was tired of "just
doing it" for far less than minimum wage. And speaking
of Nike hoes.... |
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Recant
Now that
Mr. Jordan is doing it again, with a bunch of hapless NBA
impostors, the staff at Comedy Ave. would like to apologize
for comments made a couple of weeks ago. Michael you rock
our world. If we could only be caddy for your jock strap for
one day, we would know what it's like to touch true greatness...
and smell it. PU!
You're still going down in the 1st round of the playoffs. |
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