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George
Bush takes time off from his busy schedule to visit Strawberry
Fields in NYC to pay tribute to another George. Bush pictured
here playing finger cymbals and singing his new song, "Afghani
Caves Forever." |
Last week,
joined by the First Lady, the president also had time to be
interviewed by Barbara Walters. Below is an excerpt: |
B.W. -
So, Mr. & Mrs. President, since the horrendously awful,
excruciatingly painful, tremendously heartbreaking day of 9-11…tell
me…
I think the country is dying to know, How's your sex life?
G.B. - I'll tell you, Barbara, since those evil-doers did their
evil, it's been phenomenon.
B.W. - You mean phenomenal, of course.
G.B. - That too.
B.W. - And for you, Mrs. First Lady? You do look radiant.
L.B. - (giggles) Thank you, Barbara. It's like my most powerful
Pumpkin in the world said: Evil-doers bring us all a little
closer together.
B.W. - Don't they though?
G.B. - You can remove your hand from my knee, Ms. Walters, we
ain't goin' there. Faith Hill you ain't. |
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Congress
recently passed a bill requiring U.S. citizens to remove
all American flags from their vehicles. The Congress believes
that if we don't get back to our regular driving routines, the
terrorists win. Therefore, they encourage everyone to get back
to the days of cutting your fellow drivers off in traffic, flipping
them the bird, and engaging in gun battles whenever someone
does the previously mentioned. |
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| New
Yorker, Cosimo Cavallaro takes the prize for the cheesiest and
most asinine artist ever, laying claim to having first covered
model Twiggy in cheese, and then an entire hotel room. Now Cavallaro--who
explains his creative fetish away by brilliantly saying "It's
milk, it's life"--is currently spraying a vacant house in
Wyoming with 10,000 pounds of pepperjack cheese. Folks in
Wyoming are said to be overjoyed that now instead of being known
as redneck racists, they will be viewed as cultural trend setters.
Plans to turn the entire State into one big fondue dip are in
the works. |
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A
radio broadcaster known as "Dave the Dwarf" has sued to overturn
Florida's ban on "dwarf tossing," saying he should be allowed
to decide for himself whether to participate in the barroom
contests. "As soon as you have a physical handicap, all of the
sudden they treat you like you don't have a mind of your own,"
Flood told the Tampa Tribune. "Just because I'm 3-foot-2 doesn't
mean I can't make decisions." Mr. Dwarf's next decision is whether
or not to be tossed through the friendly skies to another a
country, so he can be cloned, ensuring the world that it will
never be at a shortage for flying dwarfs. |
Apparently the Juice is still on the loose, and the Feds are
making sure to keep a sharp eye on him. In his latest brush
with the law, O.J.'s Florida house was searched as part
of an investigation into an Ecstasy drug ring. Pictured here,
the Juice was ecstatic, not for being acquitted of a recent
battery charge, but because he allegedly had figured out a scam
to get more stupid white chicks to fall for him. |
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