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| President
George W. Bush, in an attempt to smoke Osama bin
Laden out of hiding, recently tried engaging Bin
Laden in a little game of "Mine's Bigger Than
Yours." The President, pictured here, is holding
up the size of Bin Laden's penis, which a 1 billion
dollar satellite was able to detect. (How's that
for a microscope?) However, size does count. Therefore
Bin Laden refused to play, took his penis and went
home, and is still cowering in a cave like the dog
that he is. |
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In
the next attempt to smoke out Bin Laden,
hoping to piss him off, the President
proposed sending pop princess, Britney
Spears to Afghanistan to display to Bin
Laden, and the ruling Taliban party, that
America is a democratic country that allows
our women to drape themselves in anything
they deem appropriate. The proposal was
turned down by Glad, who refused
to sponser the trip because they deemed
the territory too dangerous for their
Cling Wrap to travel in.
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| Dismayed
with his failures, the President took some time
out to play a round of golf with his idol, Tiger
Woods. Mr. Bush used the time wisely, attempting
to lobby Mr. Woods, just in case, V.P. Dick Cheney
is not able to make it for the duration of the New
War. |
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| Prissy,
Press Secretary, Ari Fleischer, claimed that Mr.
Woods is indeed interested in the position, "although
he doesn't want to upstage Mr. Cheney at such a
crucial time." Meaning the small talk about
Mr. Woods being a "caddie" is secret code
for: "My bet is Cheney makes it three months,
tops." |
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And
in a brilliant stroke of luck, the President was able
to lure Bin Laden out of his cave long enough to go
on his favorite game show.
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Bin Laden is reported to have a mad crush on host, Anne
Robinson, and therefore was willing to risk being a contestant.
If Bin Laden had won, his prize would have been a romantic,
all-expenses-paid week alone with Robinson in an Afghanistan
cave of his choice. And here's to you Mrs.Robinson (for
also agreeing to cover your face with a brown paper sack
and wear a ball-gag in your mouth should Bin Laden have
won), heaven holds a place for those who pray, hey, hey,
hey. However, Bin Laden was not so lucky, his penalty
for losing: Death by public hanging in the seventh inning
stretch of a World Series game of his choice (Go Yanks!).
You will never get to Heaven. And you are, the weakest
link Mr. Bin Laden, g'bye.
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