HOLLYWOOD
- (BEFORE)
They came...they flirted...
 |
"Is
that your real ass?" |
They danced
the night away...
| "I
almost love your new Supercut more than the Macarena, Ben." |
 |
They drove away realizing they were on their way to becoming just another
f*cked-up Hollywood couple.
BRITNEYVILLE - With album sales plummeting, Britney realized she may
have to sell her hair to an aquarium some day.
Speaking
of sell outs...
"Who
f*cking cares, mate, it's not like we're trying to cure f*cking cancer.
Oops, can I have a take-back, lovey-dovey?"
|
LAND
OF FREE - Because of a shortage of American women who actually don't
sit around whining about men all day, the United States decided to enact
a law to make it easier for mail order brides to reach our shores. After
terrorists, they will be the first allowed in.
NEW YORK
- Liza and "straight" hubby David Gest just inked a deal to
do their own reality show on VH1 and we can only say: "Sorry Barbra,"
while we sing: "Send in the Queers..."
|
"We're
just gushing! Gushing! So happy we'll be able to invite you into
our home and share not only our musical tastes with you, but also
our favorite cryogenics lab where David is kept on weekdays."
|
LAS VEGAS
- Reports say a bad heart and too much cocaine in the membrane combined
to kill the Who's John Entwistle... Wait! Rock n' roll=drugs?!? No way!
|
"Life
on the road is hard, man...although it's even harder up here in
heaven, because they got a hell of a band, man...and more importantly:
NO 'STUFF' or groupies.
You try existing in the Afterlife on just cool-aid and cookies."
|
|
RABAT
- Surgeons have managed to stitch back a 7-year-old Moroccan boy's penis
after it was bitten off by a donkey; they would not comment on how the
donkey managed to do the damage. If we had to guess we would say: Yes
they do have MTV in Morocco and the kid was definitely under the influence
of some Jackass or another.
NICE,
France - Speaking of freaky animals, more than 400 sheep leaped to their
deaths this weekend in a mountainous southeastern region of France.
Authorities say it was likely a panicked attempt to escape from a pack
of wolves, but we present you with conflicting evidence -
"I was only in the country to show my film, I promise."
|
AMMAN -
Jordan's state Petra news agency reported that a groom spent his wedding
night in jail after he accidentally shot dead two guests while firing
his automatic rifle to celebrate his marriage. Accomplice-er-ah-best
man Charlton Heston could not be reached for comment.
|
