FREAK LAND- Michael Jackson was in the news recently when he cried "racism!" over the way his record company dealt with his latest album that tanked. That's a good one: a man who is neither African American nor human using the race-card. Funny that he couldn't even get Al Sharpton to stick around for this one.
LONDON - Speaking of pedophiles, George Michael is causing a stir with his latest music video depicting President Bush as an "idiot" (can't fault him on that one) and Prime Minister Tony Blair as Bush's "lap dog." The video also shows Michaels in bed with Blair's wife, saying: "Cherie, baby...stay with me tonight/Let's have some fun while Tony's stateside." And unless Cherie is a soccer mom and can hand the keys to the minivan to Michaels, look for "fun" to consist of a game of "Who Looks Better in Women's Panties & Garter Belts?"
- Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Billy-Bob this week and we can
only say: SAY IT AIN'T SO! A marriage made in Hollywood heaven gone
awry. No way.
TRAILER TRASH TOWN - While the Jerry Springer Show was voted as the worst program of all-time by TV guide, another culprit, Rikki Lake says she will change her show's format to reflect both her and the show's growing maturity. Isn't that kind of like Pee-Wee Herman declaring he's an adult and then turning right around and getting busted for public masturbation? Which is just what Lake's show will continue to be: masturbation material for the developmentally-trailer trash-challenged.
BOYBANDVILLE- It turns out a duo for the band N'Sync is not quite in sync at all these days. While Lance Bass is pining to go into space with Russian cosmonauts and "take one small step for boy banders everywhere," band mate Joey Fatone is looking to pay his Rent on Broadway. Now if the Russian Space Agency could only go belly-up and the director of Rent could send Fatone an eviction notice, then the two would be free to sync back up with their band mates just the way all adults would prefer: with a suicide pact.
- Steven Segal's former partner Julius Nasso was indicted along with
17 members of the Gambino Crime Family for allegedly trying to shake
the actor down for $700,000, money Segal said went to a better cause--his
acting lessons. Which goes to show that money definitely can't buy everything,
especially talent in Segal's case.
- Model citizen Allen Iverson of the 76ers was allowed to wait until
his lawyer returned from vacation before turning himself in to authorities
on like 393 felony charges accumulated after he threw his wife out of
the house naked and went looking for her packing heat and an amazing
IQ. Next up for Allen: running for mayor in the City of Brotha-ly Love.
Or basking in the glow of three championship trophies, you LOSER.
D.C. - George W. Bush said recently that if he couldn't get the economy
back in order, he would not only stand on his head to beat all deals,
but he would also don a dress and offer his body up for auction on E-Bay
in an effort to boost the struggling economy.
BID - $12.99 by BubbasTiredOfInterns@formerpres.com
Apparently the only thing George is going to be boosting is a certain someone's trophy case and another headache for Hillary.
- According to a statement released by his publicist, David Hasselhoff
is going to spend his 50th Birthday in high fashion: at the Betty Ford
Clinic where he will be treated for alcoholism and a really bad case
of the "horrific-actor-blues."
The Jehovah's Witnesses are on summer vacation and have delegated their harassment's to someone else:
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and make money off it, you die a fiery death--no 72 virgins either.