|
|
"When
my term as Mayor of--still the most wonderful city on this earth--ends,
I vow to make even more personal appearances than I have in
the last year, and get paid top dollar for them, no more freebies.
That and I would like to study Buddhism, maybe start planting
a few trees, find out if life exists on other planets." |
|
|
"I
am going to improve my spelling, and work harder to figure out
a better name for the 'evil-doers'. I also want to start taking
Tai-Chi, should any of the evil-doers try to harm Laura or me.
And I will find the correct hole for the round peg!"
|
|
|
(Translated)
"Stop living in caves. Have more children. Free Dirty Ole
Bastard of the Wu Tang Clan. Work on getting my poetry published
by Random House." |
|
|
"I
am going to get the number from Michael Jackson, once and for
all, for his plastic surgeon. In 2002 I would like to be totally
white." |
|
|
"Use
my excellent ATT commercials to segue into a sitcom or put a
bullet through my head. Bet you'd like to see the latter. Well,
so would my mom! So you're not alone. Remember to call! 1-800-BLOW-ME.
Hehehe." |
|
|
"I
promised myself that I would take the gloves off and stop being
a ballbuster. Sorry, Tommy, I'll always love you. I also would
like to punch up my career by going on more late night talk
shows and flashing my firm titties to horny hosts. Oh yeah,
I would love to get a pet gerbil or two, and work more with
my own evolution as a higher spiritual being, and shop less!" |
 |
"We
would like to work our way to Monday nights instead of the CBS
appointed Fridays. To us, it just doesn't make sense, why not
be called First Friday then?" |
|
|
"That's
it. No more lesbian. Uh-huh. Not gonna do it anymore. Bad career
move. Going straight. Any takers???" |
|
|
"Not
to kill any punkass at this year's Super Bowl party. Of course
if I do, I get off anyway. I'm the talent. Don't ever forget
it, bitch." |
|
|
"This
year I pledge to work more with the starving children of East
Africa, renew my contract with Glad Cling Wrap, and get a new
tampon named after me:
The Stay Free Britney. |
|
|
"Ha,
ha, real funny. So I screwed up. It's only because I was a drunk
24/7, otherwise I would have never felt up those little girls,
my little girls. This year, no more alcohol whatsoever. Now
it's strictly heroin." |
|
|
"Get
Madam Cleo to convince the world I am innocent. Retire to a
sunny state where I can work on my golf game." |
|
|
"No
more hookers, going bankrupt. Would love to do dinner theatre
in Miami. Find a good pair of stilts, stop the bad habit of
resting my pinky on my lips. Fuck over Mike Myers somehow for
leaving me out of Austin Powers 3. Spread more of my 'little
people' love to the world." |
|
|
"I
would like to find someone besides my mother to play my tuba
for. I have been working on something other than Cumbaya
for years; for that one special moment when I find the woman
who will bring music not only to my ears, but my heart." |
|
|
"I'd
like to kick my habit of white women and move on to white men.
When does Gary Condit get here? If the Juice ain't bi, he ain't
fly!" |
Resolutions
